Fin
Thank you for all of your reblogs and kind words, but this blog will be coming to an end shortly. I am finally quitting my job, and I couldn’t be happier.
To the rest of you: May the force be with you.
Disgusting
Customer: “Your plates seem a little dirty.”
Me: “That’s actually just water residue, I assure you they are quite clean.”
Customer: “They look dirty.”
Me: “It is just water residue, I’m sorry, I can go get you some new plates or have them run them through dish again.”
Customer: “I guess. It’s just gross that they’re out here.”
*I get immediately pulled in to another request from a customer before I can handle the plate situation*
Customer: *grabs pile of plates and walks over to register that I’m near and proceeds to casually slide them across the counter, causing them to fall.* “It’s DISGUSTING.”
First of all, take your sunglasses off when you’re inside. Secondly, take that silver stick out of your ass. Thirdly, if you ever speak to my coworkers or me like this again, I will throw those plates right back at your face and hopefully bust those stupid sunglasses right in half. They look ugly on your face anyway. How about we get you back there in the dish pit for a busy lunch rush, eh? Let’s see how much time YOU have to dry the plates for these privileged customers.
I don’t have time
Customer: “I need to know where the seltzer is.”
Me: “We have little bottles right over…”
Customer: “No, big bottles.”
Me: “You mean, like a liter? Or do you mean…”
Customer: “Yes, yes, whatever, bit bottles of seltzer!”
Me: “I’m not sure they move around, I could call cust…”
Customer: “I don’t really have time for this I’m in a big rush, so if you can’t help me I’ll just go look. You have NO idea where they might me?”
Me: “Check produce.”
No, they’re not in produce. They would be on the opposite side of the store. But just since you were so rude to me because you’re in SUCH a big hurry with your massive cart full of food and unnecessary items, I’m going to give you the run-around. Because, baby, I’ve got all the time in the world to watch you squirm.
Must be nice
Customer: “Wow, you must love working here!”
Me: “Most of the time, but it’s always difficult in the customer service industry.”
Customer: “I used to work in the food industry, I understand. But everyone seems so nice here! I mean, the customers must be very nice, yeah?”
Me: “Sometimes, hah!”
No. No usually they are not. Because the only people who shop here are privileged white folks who have no appreciation for honest hard work, or basic manners. Or child control. The world revolves around them, right?
I guess this will do
Customer: “Hi, I’ll have the ______. I don’t see it up there but we usually get it.”
Me: “We are getting a new sign, but we still offer the drink, not to worry.”
…
Me: “Here you go.”
Customer: “Uh, this isn’t mine is it?”
Me: “Yes, sir. The ______.”
Customer: “No, you’re wrong, it’s usually not this color. Usually it’s yellow.”
Me: “Then you usually order the _______.”
Customer: “I don’t think so, I think you got your drinks confused.”
Me: “Sir, I’ve worked here for over two years now, I did not confuse what I made you. I think you misremembered. Would you like me to make you what you usually get?”
Customer: “No, I guess this will just have to do, it just usually doesn’t look like this.”
BECAUSE THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU USUALLY ORDER. The customer is most certainly not always right, because they’re usually wrong. Get off your high horse, and let me do my job.
She left me
Customer 1 (young man): Hello! May I please get a chocolate chip cookie?
Me: Sure, to go?
Customer 1: Sure.
Customer 2 (old woman): Excuse me *inaudible*…
Me: I can grab you one of those cupcakes in one minute….
Customer 2: NO, what KIND are those!”
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, I misheard you, those are vegan chocolate cupcakes.
Customer 2: Oh, OK, I don’t know what I want.
Me: *to customer 1* I’m sorry, here is your cookie, that will be $2.25 please.
Customer 3 (middle aged man): “May I get some help over here?”
Customer 1: I hope you have a good day..!
Me: *to customer 3* Hello, what can I get for you?
Customer 3: Can I get a Banana muffin?
Customer 2: *at the exact same time* EXCUSE ME, I was NEXT in LINE!
Me: I’m sorry… *runs to Customer 2 while coworker takes care of customer 3*
Customer 3: She left me. She just up and left me.
Me: *returns to customer 3* Sorry about that, I had to help the customer in front of you, I didn’t think she was ready to order yet.
Customer 3: You left me. *walks away*
Bad day, huh buddy? Should I leave you my number next time so you don’t feel so abandoned? Take your whining elsewhere and look alive, man, there are other people around who are just as needy as you are.
Now it’s ruined
Customer: “I’ll one each of your vegan cupcakes.”
Me: “Okay, may I put them in the same box, or would you prefer them to be in separate boxes?”
Customer: “One box is fine.”
Me: “Okay, they’re a little tall today, so the top might get squished down just a bit.”
Customer: “Okay.”
Me: “Here you go.”
Customer: “……. oh, now it’s ruined. It looked so pretty before. Can I get another one?”
Me: “It’s still going to be squished down - they put a lot of frosting on these today.”
Customer: “Can’t you just get me another one?”
Me: “Okay… here you go.”
Customer: “….. well I GUESS this will just have to do. I’m holding up the line now…. *shakes head*”
If this is your biggest problem today, you’re having a pretty good day. The cupcake will still taste the same, and since you’re probably getting them for Easter, it seems a little odd that you’re so concerned with how your CUPCAKE LOOKS, rather than celebrating forgiveness and compassion and miracles. But, you have a nice day, too!
More Raisins
Customer: “I need that gluten-free oatmeal raisin cookie.”
Me: “Here you go.”
Customer: “Uhm… you know… I think I want the other one that’s in there, it has more raisins, can you get that one for me instead, just switch them out or something??”
#firstworldproblems
Chicken Desperation
Customer: “Are you going to be bringing out chicken today?”
Me: “I’m really not sure, I need to finish helping this other customer and then I’d be happy to check for you. Typically, if we are out of something we are out, but don’t quote me on that, things get crazy around here.
Customer: “mmhmm.”
*cook brings chicken out*
Customer: “You should probably not tell lies to your customers. If you don’t understand how this place works, maybe you shouldn’t be working here.”
I’m sorry, who the fuck are you? I know you probably haven’t gotten laid in years, but check your attitude at the door. Or, continue to tell me how to do my job. I dare you.
Torture
Customer: “May I have please order a sandwich?”
Me: “I’m sorry, our sandwich maker goes home at six, but we’ve got some pre-made sandwiches in that case over there.”
Customer: *dramatically saddened* “Oh, no, none of those will do. I don’t want to subject myself or my roommate to that torture.”
Oh, you poor thing. Pre-made sandwiches?? I’d rather die! Puh-leeze. Go get laid, you uptight, needy little girl.
